January 4: After work After thinking about Twinkies all day, I stopped at the store to buy some fruit or something naturally sweet to tide me over until dinner. Did you know there were light Twinkies? Of course, they are only ¼ as much fat as the regular, so I decided I would just eat one of the regular…that way I’m saving calories.
January 5: Breakfast Pancakes with lots of syrup. Mornings are too hard. I’ll exercise more or something today. I need to start exercising anyway.
January 5: Mid-morning I hit the skinny bitch repeatedly with my keyboard until she dropped her yogurt and blacked out. The forged note I brought from my doctor did not cover it. After they heard I was fired, the department bought a going-away cake. Of course, I was already being escorted out of the building at the time, so I didn’t get any.
January 5: Dinner Husband made smart-ass comments about me eating mashed potatoes and gravy. When I told him I had lost my job because of the pressures of the diet, he became angry. I drowned him in the vegetable oil I was frying my chicken in.
January 6: Dinner The scales here are broke. They say I've gained 4 pounds. That cannot be right. I hope they have good diet food and exercise equipment in jail.
