Drunk Dialing for Dummies

What is it about taking fifteen tequila shots and dancing on the bar to “Pour Some Sugar on Me” that automatically makes you turn to your trusty cell phone? Is it really a good idea to call the ex you haven’t spoken to for five years or your current love interest for some sloppy late night lovin’? We’ve all done it. And we’ll continue to do it as long as the tequila flows and cheesy songs remind us of losing our virginity in the backseat of a Chevy pickup. But drinking and dialing can get a little messy, and there are a few guidelines to follow for specific situations that may help preserve a tiny bit of dignity. Or not.

Bone Me over Beer.
Some relationships begin while under the influence and never seem to leave this turf. They satisfy that horny feeling when one is drunk. These relationships are unstable at best, but they’re always ripe for a drunk dialing should the two of you be libating separately.

“Hey.”

“Man, I’m so wasted.”

“Me too.”

“See you in ten minutes?”

 “Actually, I’m outside your door.”

In this situation, call as often as your libido will allow. But if you start daydreaming about trips to the lake, meeting the parents, and white picket fences, stop calling after eight Mojitos.

I Want the Bone Back.
If you’re the dumpee, a tearful take-me-back phone call is permitted, but it’s best to keep these to a minimum. If you’re only asking for boo-tay, it’s smart to have a heart-to-heart with yourself in the morning to know if you can handle the humping without the holding. If you’re the dumper, the dumpee is likely recovering and does not need any encouragement in the form of late night calls. Try something like this:

“Oh sweetie, last night was so amazing. I’m so glad you called.”

“Yeah, it was a good time.”

“Is this what I think it means? I’m so happy we’re back together.”

“Ummm … I’m actually kinda busy with work and I have this really intense Online Poker Championship coming up so … maybe we should just play it by ear.”