Tea Anybody?

There are two pieces of background information you need to know in order to fully understand what I'm about to tell you:

1. My boyfriend Finbar's friend John rents a room in the house. He is planning to move out at some point, but for the most part he is lovely and I hardly notice him.

2. I am a vegetarian.

3. They have electric tea kettles here in Ireland. I've grown accustomed to using them. For those of you who aren't familiar, they have metal coils at the bottom, and when you turn them on they boil the water, then they click off when the water is ready. I came downstairs this morning and went to the tea kettle to make myself some coffee like I do most mornings.

Well, this morning there would be no coffee. Why? Why would I not be able to have my much needed and much anticipated morning coffee this morning?

Because this morning I discovered that our lovely housemate cooked a kielbasa sausage in the electric tea kettle last night.

Obviously it was too difficult for him to boil some water in a pot on the stove like a normal drunk person... Or to use the microwave like a normal drunk person. Our lovely housemate, John, decided to cook his Polish kielbasa sausage in the tea kettle... You know... The place where you boil water for tea and coffee. The sanitary place where you only put water.  The place that you aren’t supposed to stick in the dishwasher because of the plugs and electric coils!

Well, there were little bits of smelly sausage remnants floating inside the electric tea kettle this morning, which really ruined my penchant for coffee. I’m still fuming. I'd love to have some chamomile tea to soothe my nerves, but unless I want my tea to have sausage essence, I’m shit out of luck.

And when I politely told John what a disgusting degenerate moronic asshole he was, he laughed and casually said sorry.  He obviously did not understand the magnitude of what he had done.  I would have liked a better, more convincing apology.  How about- I’m so sorry you can never have a cup of coffee ever again? How about, I’m so sorry, I know you don't eat meat, maybe I shouldn't have cooked a gigantic sausage in the kettle that you use for coffee.

He is lucky I didn't rip off his kielbasa sausage and cook that in the tea kettle too.  But if I get arrested here, they probably won’t let me back into the country.

I’m having Karen over for lunch this afternoon.  I wont be able to offer her tea of coffee, but if she'd like a cup of meat particles, I'd be more than happy to oblige.

Did I forget to mention that this is the same lovely housemate who one week before I got here left a greasy burger cooking under the grill, went to take a poop and nearly burned the house down?  After doing his business, and upon discovering the gigantic grease fire, he did what any smart person would do in this situation.  He took the flaming grease pan and put it on the brand new counter top, which now also has burn marks.  

Fortunately he bought a new stove because it had burn marks. Sure, those scars are healed... But the scars from a vegetarian’s coffee water containing greasy smelly meat bits... How do you heal those?