Hey Person I Just Met,
I want to thank you with utmost sincerity for not giving me the fake “nice to meet you, stranger” hug. Just for offering your outstretched hand instead of the lame and awkward embrace makes me have respect for you. But, why ... why did you have to go and give me the floppy fish handshake? In doing that, you may have just descended lower than the lowly level I reserve for the fake huggers.
I literally felt your hand collapse between mine like I had just wrapped my hand around a big blob of gelatin—and, although I do enjoy squishing gelatin between my fingers every now and then, I certainly don’t want that experience when I’m expecting formed human flesh.)
Your fingers didn’t mold themselves to my hand like mine did to yours ... couldn’t you feel that? Didn’t that feel wrong? It sure did for me. You maintained a lifeless shape of limp meat during the approach, the one-sided connection, and then throughout the up and down motion. You let me grab onto your flimsy flake of a hand and did absolutely nothing while I took it up and down ... up and down ... up and down ... and up and down again like I was offering some sort of free hand ride. I was shaking your wrist like it was a goddamn leaf in the breeze. There was no control on your part. You did nothing. It’s not right.
I’m not saying you have to attack the hand like it’s a nut waiting to be cracked, but I am saying that you should at least try to match the other person’s grip level.
I’m out there trying my best for the sake of humanity. The least you can do is go out there and give it your best shot too.
Sincerely,
Rachel Rose
