The Arties, the Triangle Team, and the Polar Bear Club

I have always called both of my sisters by the same name. Since they are older than I am (although, they would argue, not that much older), I address them with the traditional Filipino “ate” (pronounced AH-teh), an honorific meaning “older sister.” Growing up in the Bay Ridge neighborhood of Brooklyn, New York, we had to walk a fine line between pleasing our Filipino family and fitting in with the Italian- and Irish-American working class surrounding us. In front of our friends—who, it seemed, had been born entirely free from strange-sounding names and strict (and obsolete) traditions—I began to develop my own way of using the word. When used properly, it precedes someone’s first name—for instance, Ate Maria or Ate Rosa. I just said, “Ate.” And I either mumbled the word or said it very quickly, to save us all from the embarrassment of any association with something so obviously ethnic. As a result, my friends thought that my sisters were both named “Artie,” and I never corrected them. At home, if I experimented with addressing my sisters using only their first names, my mother would inflict the much-feared triceps pinch that left a painful sting lasting for at least a day-and-a-half. Thirty or so years later, the mere thought of my mom’s pinches still make my arms tingle.

Time passed. To add to the general confusion, Ate and Ate (Artie and Artie) both married men named Victor. (How many Victors can one family have? Apparently, one is not enough.) My husband’s name is Dave—but somehow he gets called Victor, too. In the first year we dated, my sisters (already married to their Victors) were not able to stop teasing me (“You’re going to marry a Victor, too! You’re going to marry a Victor, too! Hey—what are you doing with this Dave fella?”). After our wedding, however, the solution revealed itself. My mom (who loves her Victors) knows my husband’s name is Dave, but “Victor” is what she blurts out when she wants to get his attention. Showing true discretion, when she calls him this, Dave will answer. Dave simply became another “Victor,” and completed the threesome known in our family as the Triangle Team.