The Joisey Boys

The NFL is on the clock, but—surprise—the Tuna has gone and taken all the fun out of the contrived drama.

You gotta love the cojones on Bill Parcells. He is a no nonsense east coast joisey boy.
The number one pick is out of the bag. The woeful Fins under the leadership of , “If I’m going to cook the dinner I want to buy the groceries.” Parcells isn’t wasting our time trying to figure out which of the unproven college players is going to go at numero uno.

At number one the Miami Dolphins select … drum roll … Jake Long. The Fins signed the former Michigan State left tackle to a five-year contract reportedly worth 57.5 million with 30 million guaranteed.

Thank you football gods! I won’t have to set my TIVO to record the moment for posterity because I sure as shit am not going to sit around on Saturday morning for that slow death watch.

The number one pick is a done deal and all that remains for numbnut fans to ponder are the other two hundred something other picks in the two-day bore-a-thon.

Thank you Tuna, you’re style of football has always been old school with a touch of Mafioso thrown in for good measure. Tuna knows how to handle these beefy men but just in case one of the blockheads get out of line he is properly versed on how to address that question. Who the fuck do you think the boss is? It’s me, Bill Parcells, capishe?

There seems to be a little Tony Soprano in the Tuna and I like it! Perhaps Bill is taking a page out of the HBO Sopranos script. Running a tight ship with dire consequences for those who don’t follow the family’s rules seems to have a familiar ring to it. Maybe Tony Soprano isn’t really in the house but, the new head coach of the Fins is Tony Sparano, how freakin weird it that?

Making their pick in advance is meaningful for the team. For the floundering fish it means they can move ahead with rebuilding the team without a holdout, without a lot of quarterback or prima donna drama and without the rest of the league trying to second guess Tuna’s draft day strategy.

There are two fellas with the last name of Long in this draft, both of them highly regarded college players, Jake Long and Chris Long.

Jake Long as the number one pick becomes the highest paid lineman in the NFL without ever playing one damn down in the NFL.