Q: Have you ever thought you were going to fail at a mission?
A: No. I have honestly never thought I would fail whilst on an expedition. Beforehand, yes.
Prior to every expedition I always feel such an amateur. Before the South Pole solo, whilst everyone else was worried for me about crevasses, katabatic winds and the cold, I was frightened of making a fool of myself, of failure—of myself.
I am not one for letting self-pity slide in through the door. This sucks away your strength.
There have been moments of despair and despondency. For example, on the sixth day into my South Pole Solo expedition, I felt confident and cocky enough to continue struggling through zero visibility conditions with ground storm to boot. I veered off course and into a crevasse field. This much I discovered when I found myself teetering on the edge of one. I reversed, but there seemed to be crevasses all about.
I decided to make a ‘Shackleton’ decision, and to make camp until the contrast improved. Reasonable enough in the circumstances, except before turning in and powdering my nose outside, a small but awful blue hole opened up below me. I had made camp on a crevasse. No point in moving camp and repeating this idiocy, so I spent a night rigid with fear in my sleeping bag with all my safety gear stuffed down it. Next day I felt deflated and incompetent. Antarctica had knocked the stuffing out of me. No one else around to buck me up but myself, so on I went and tried to treat my hostess with more respect and tune in to her ways.
I’ll take that lesson with me across the frozen Arctic Ocean.
Q: What will be the biggest challenge for you during your mission to the North Pole?
A: My biggest challenge will be initially saying goodbye to Jock. Up until that moment I “draw a curtain” in my mind, for it’s too much to bear. But once done I’m on my way, every step taken is one that brings me back to him with a great tale of adventure and hopefully one of which he can be proud.
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