Confessions of a Peace Corps Volunteer

They were told a person from America was coming to assist them with their education. They saw me, and said, ‘She’s not from America! She is black!’ I thought, ‘Sweet Jesus! The jig is up! They hate me already and I haven’t even opened my mouth. YIKES!’ But the opposite happened. They were in awe that someone who looked liked them lived in this foreign place called ‘America’. The place where, as the kids explained it to me, everyone is rich. A group of seventh grade girls began coming to me at the end of the day. After 2 months, there were about 7-8 who would come in for an hour and ask me questions every Friday. The teachers didn’t seem to mind they were coming into the office to talk to me, so I went along with it. They asked me questions any seventh grade girl would ask: Do you have children? Are you married? How many sisters and brothers do you have? What music do you like? They also asked me things I never thought anyone would ever ask me. Things like, ‘How much would your lobola (equivalent to the dowry system) be?’ I’d tell them, 50 cows (the standard in that area would be about 5). Then I’d wink at them and say in Siswait, ‘Just like you, I’m expensive to have!’ Many couldn’t believe I thought they were worth 50 cows. I told them you are worth more than you think.They would say ‘No Nikki, you are worth a thousand cows! Never me!!’ That took me on a tangent that made me realize what I was feeling about myself. I didn’t think I was worth being there, but these amazing girls were still putting me on this pedestal I felt I did not deserve to be on. The thought of such amazing beings placing me, the spoiled girl from the suburbs on this pedestal made me completely uneasy and unworthy. I wanted them to place themselves on this pedestal.

One day I decided to turn the tables and have the girls ask each other questions. One girl in the group would be ‘in the spotlight’ for that one hour in the afternoon. To make it more of a learning time, each girl had to write at least one quality they liked about the girl who was ‘in the spotlight’ for that afternoon and why. I tell you, the first day in implementing this was nerve racking. No one wanted to speak. After one full minute of staring at each other (it’s amazing how long a minute is in complete silence—scary almost) I said, ‘Well, I think Jabu [her name] has beautiful eyes.’ The girls took their cues and said every other part of Jabu’s body was also beautiful.