From Betty to Bobby

I was walking up the street and saw him from far away. As I approached him, I think I finally saw him for who he was—who he had always thought himself to be. And he was attractive! He looked like this all-American guy with classic good looks. If you haven’t been around transgendered people, you would have no idea that he wasn’t a biological male.

We had a great time that night, and something had definitely shifted. I spent the entire evening trying to put my finger on exactly what I was witnessing—and then it hit me. He was happy. That cloud of depression and withdrawal had lifted. He was more confident and sure of himself. He was relaxed and outgoing. It was awesome and I was so incredibly happy for him. Chris had his top surgery in February 2007 and now he is just one of my guy friends. I don’t think about or even see Amy, which isn’t weird anymore because I don’t think that he was ever really Amy anyway. He was like this caterpillar in a cocoon before he metamorphosed into the butterfly he always saw in himself. He has a girlfriend he adores, a job that he likes, and is blessed to be in a community that accepts him for who he is. How brave must someone be to go through what he went through? He had to transition at his job; his girlfriend left him. He had to make irreversible decisions regarding his body. He had to learn a whole new set of rules. He had to tell his family. He had to learn how to navigate the guys’ bathroom! It’s enormous really and I admire him.

If you know someone who believes himself to be in the wrong body, gay, or just marching to the beat of a different drummer, be supportive. It’s not a “choice.” The only choice people have is to honor their feelings. Can you imagine the pain and agony of feeling like you were assigned the wrong body? Maybe you can’t imagine it, but you don’t have to understand it to be compassionate. The world is way more complicated than male or female and gay or straight. Here’s the chorus of the song I wrote for Chris.

I will be fearless in the face of all that would bring me down

And I know I still have a ton of ground to cover

But that doesn’t mean that I would rather

Stay in my place with a smile on my face

Swallowing lie after lie

I know love exists so I can’t settle for this

I’ve just never been the settling kind

I am so glad he didn’t settle.