Just This One

When I was in labor with Amira, my doula Wendy was there to support me and be my coach. While riding contractions that became difficult and painful, and as I fatigued... she would say to me "Just this one, Janece... just this one."

In my snarkier, more belligerent moments, I would think, "Yeah Right! Just this one!?! You and I both well know that there will be more than just this one!" Prior to this, I couldn't have imagined going through 42 hours of labor. I mean, How do you make it through 42 hours of contractions?

"Just this one!"

Yep, one at a time. That is how. I know. I know. It sounds like a joke that's fallen terribly flat, doesn't it? Yet, it is the bare bones truth of the matter. Wendy was right.

I made it through. Surprisingly, five weeks later I'm already finding it hard to remember that my labor was long or even all that hard.

I painted for the first time in weeks. To get back into the creative groove, I set out to paint a small 8"x10" piece of canvas. It wasn't going well and I found myself wanting to quit. I mean, really wanting to quit! Unexpectedly, I heard Wendy's coaching in my head: "Just this one!" I grinned to myself thinking, "Wendy, you're a labor coach, not an art coach, what are you doing coaching me now?..."

But, just like in labor, Wendy was right.

I finished the painting, although I won't be sending you a picture of it. It isn't a good painting. It is an incredible painting, however, in terms of what I learned. I pushed through my resignation, disappointment and fatigue. Even though the painting doesn't reflect what I was attempting to create, none of my energy or time was wasted. I am closer to creating what I want to express through my painting.

Vincent Van Gogh created not just hundreds but over 2000 works. While his early work showed incredible talent and promise, he didn't start out with the incredible colors and energetic brush strokes that became so famous. His first pieces were described as "heavily painted, mud-colored and clumsy attempts." In his lifetime, Van Gogh sold only one painting and that was after a failed suicide attempt (A pity-purchase?). He did worry about things that we all do: Will anyone like his artwork? Will it help him earn money to pay back his brother Theo for the art supplies and livelihood that he had always generously provided him? Will he be a success?