Before the Scars: My Experience With Cutting and Near-Suicide

But we aren’t alone. And I want to say that so everyone will pay better attention to the people in their lives. Don’t do what I did. I wasted years of my life in my own private hell, and it was pointless. Talk to your friends and family. Get some help. Do whatever you can to get through the day. If you suspect someone you love is cutting or thinking about suicide, don’t wait for her to die. Reach out to her. Disarm her with your honesty. Tell her and show her you care and you want to help.

It is a scary feeling—the desire to destroy yourself. But there is help and people do care. This was really hard for me to revisit and write about, but if it helps one person, it was worth it. Don’t be stupid—stop it before the scars.

First published March 2007

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Thank you for showing a side of this affliction that is so often overlooked. There is little attention given to cutting, and when it does come up, many people are quick to characterize cutters as one kind of person, dark, often gothic, obviously sick etc. People who self-harm are often very social, funny, popular, and fit no single stereotype. They are good at masking their feelings from the outside world. I've had instances where I've felt like I needed to check to see if I still had blood pumping, but luckily have never fully given in to the desire. I'm glad you've had such luck with your meds!

Hi, this is my 1st time being involved in this article. From what I just read, I could feel & see myself. Especially about allowing external pain inside your world as if it was your fault. But, your external pain was NOT your fault, so please don't take it out on yourself. You do NOT deserve to feel the pain that caused you to take it out on yourself. Please, stop & think about it. Give yourself credit for sharing your pain with others who feel w/ you. Sincerely, Tina Meerovitz

“I am no crazier than you are” Aint that the truth. Brain, though thought by most of as an immutable repository of our soul is a body organ, like heart or liver. But when brain goes out of balance, it affect our behavior, our personality, the very same soul. What is really inspirational is that you managed to overcome whatever it tried doing your essential being. I admire your courage. Thank you.

Thanks for your courage--I happen to be mentally unbalanced and quite a lovely person as well. Trying to find the right treatment (and diagnosis!) was a hell in itself, but worth it now, even though I'm still trying to figure it all out. It's wonderful (and relieving) to hear other people speak out to work against stigma and pop-psychology and get folks to understand the human side to things they might only read about or see in t.v. movies.

There's not enough written about self-injury and I'm guessing that people who endure similar struggles might not understand that they're not alone in what they're feeling and therefore, wait way too long to get help (if they do at all). Telling everyone what you went through is bound to help others. Thank you so much for sharing this. I'm so glad you found a happy ending.

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