When I take an honest look at my day, almost everything that I do is an attempt to gain approval from someone. I wake up early so that I will be ready to greet my daughter with an eager smile in the morning. I go out for a jog so that I can get my pre-baby body back and hopefully catch my husband’s eye. I return emails so that my friends won’t be upset with me for being out of touch. I clean the house so that my friends who are coming over in an hour will think I have it all together. I spend time on the phone so that my family will feel well connected to us. I get my next writing assignment done early so that my editor will be happy to work with me again in the future. I volunteer to bake something for our women’s meeting. I go shopping so that I will have stylish clothes to wear. I change the time of meeting my friend for coffee because it works better for her, even though the original time was much better for me. I get the laundry done so that my little girl will have her favorite dress to wear. The list goes on and on.
Although it might seem as if a praise junkie is constantly doing things for others, it is actually a very self-centered way to live. I’m not really acting in service of others, but rather in service of myself. I cook a nice dinner for friends not so that they can enjoy a delicious home cooked meal, but so that they will praise me and think that I am a good cook. It’s all about the “doing” in order to receive the praise. Most praise junkies are probably not aware that this is what drives them, but as I stop to really look at my heart, this is the sad truth. I’m addicted to approval from others because of my own pride.
I could certainly reframe each of these activities and give different reasons why I do these things. Although I may have several motives, receiving praise for a job well done is at the top of the list. It’s so ingrained in my way of thinking that most of the time, it’s subconscious. But as I read Barbara Coloroso’s description of a praise junkie, I was forced to look at the ways in which I often dance around to make others happy.
