What Happens

What happened to the child I once was? The girl who led the pack, ponytails dangling in the wind, cast on my right wrist, held high for all to see? What happened to her spark, her spunk, her never-look-back attitude? Where did her zest for truth and nature, her spark for the unknown, her undying, unconditional love for all go?

What happened to the young woman I once was? Full of life and energy, ready to take on the next challenge, running to meet each day with close to no sleep each night? What happened to her? What happened to her willingness to let others in, her constant drive to learn about humanity, and her spontaneous nature? Where did her contagious laugh go?

What’s happening to the woman I have become? Why do I sit and wait, toss and turn, yearn for my life to start beginning? When did I become this self-loathing, apathetic outline of what I used to be? And why did I never long to love myself before?

What happened?

First published July 2007

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T H, PA

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Comments

You ask what happened to the young woman you once was, and the carefree, trusting, open attitude that you once carried with you...THE ANSWER IS TIME...........time has placed people and experiences into our lives that have changed us, hardened our hearts and made us more cautious in what we say and do.......the stabbing pain of a silent relationship......the confusion of trying to understand .....the tears of a broken heart.........and because of this we have learned to put up 'walls" , set "boundaries", "closed doors" as a protective coat of armor..............careful to open very slowly and sometimes not at all. That is what happened.......keep writing!

I won't guess your age because it's not neccessary (ever)-that perfect utopia would be a world that didn't count the years in ones life, but rather the life in ones years. That kid you describe in your writing needs the woman, "you've become" to set her free. Albeit there are times in the adult world in which childish behavior will not be tolerated-the art of learning to live like a child is knowing and accepting when and how to behave like an adult. You're not alone, kid.

Reading this really made my heart ache... Everyone has felt trapped and hopeless at some point in their lives. I have had days where I wish I could go back to age 10 when I hadn't a problem in the world. I've had dreams of being buried alive, sinking paralyzed into snow. And then I wake up. The way I escape these thoughts is by taking a look outside my window. Life is full of CHOICES. Keep perspective. Outside I see a city full of people going a million different places. I can get up now if I want and walk out the door into the world, go anywhere I want. You, too, can do this. You can make a difference in someone's life. Go clean a closet out and donate something to the Good Will. Your life is moving a mile a minute so enjoy it! Let that little girl out! Be outside in nature and take a deep breath. Jump on a swing and fly.

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