Body Dialogue

Written in July of 2005 when my dad was dying of cancer.

With ocean waves of sadness I notice cancer swallowing my dad with major bites. I realize this horrific episode is like observing a candle gradually going out. Pain develops in this watchful waiting period. If I couldn’t listen to my body, take it to my mind, and then write down my thoughts and feelings, I have no idea how I would handle this chapter of my life. Well, maybe I do. It would not be handled, period.

During this process I am taking note of my own body. Questions come. For example, “What stands between you and tranquility?” We are always letting our heads answer these questions because we are know-it-alls. Just ask a question, and we’ll revert to our heads for exceptional answers. Our “rational” minds never give up. Actually speaking, we developed answers from our bodies long before we figured out answers with our heads. For example, “body language” communicates truth about us that our heads never considered. The body knows, and the body keeps score.

We cannot force the body to go against its grain, or we suffer consequences. Our problems begin with giving or requiring of our bodies things that do not serve its best interests. If we listened to our bodies we would be better off, except where beer, sex, sugar and fat grams are concerned. Of course, in my Dad’s case, his body is suggesting to doctors that he needs at least “five milkshakes a day.” The cancer, however, is eating his appetite. So Daddy cannot eat what he needs. He can no longer do for his body those things that fine-tune him physically, mentally, and spiritually.

However, there is good news/a silver lining for us who want to maintain healthy spirits. We can compile into our lives good choices. With them follows spirited rewards.

The words we use to describe physical sensations, “feel” or “sense” have been co-opted by the emotional mind to describe its reactions to its experience. We can “feel” happy. We can “feel” sad. We can “feel” angry. And we can “feel” the texture of a sheep’s wool. We can experience a weakness that might be equated with the emotion of fear or anxiety. We can sense emotionally the mood of the environment in the room we enter. It is not an easy thing to discuss the body without sounding like we are talking about the mind.

Does anxiety sound different in our body than fear? Does our body feel grief different than it feels dread, or sadness? Emotions are physical before they are mental. When are we going to accept this fact?

By listening to what we are experiencing on a physical level, we bring in authentic reality at the ground level.