This Christmas evening, I suffered a severe stroke to the right side of my brain, leaving the left side of my body weak and a bit limp. Last year around the same time, I had a heart attack. So during this holiday season, I was challenged with the same questions, “What will it take Keesha for you to come along with me?” Last year, I could see where I left the goodness and guidance of my spirit. I was in a destructive marriage that I tried so desperately to hold onto. I judged the crumbling state of my marriage as a direct failure of my character and my ability to love, and although I did not literally lay down and die, my poor heart was so disturbed by the mental and spiritual deprivation, that if I did not get still and go within, death would have been my next step.
So, exactly one year later, I was right back where I was, hearing the same question ringing through my inner ear. But, as I laid in the hospital bed, connecting the dots was not so easy to me as before. I figured, I am divorcing my husband and moving forward, but have I really moved forward if I am laying in the same spot that I was in last year? No. I have not released the self-condemnation and grabbed hold of the hand of my inner guidance and allowed that guidance to open new pathways to greater wholeness. But there was a shift, a new invitation waiting for me to join in. Letting me know that there was more than enough love inside of the wrinkles of my pinky finger to not only enrapture my entire being, but cover and bless all who enters and exits my life; so stop Keesha looking for that power outside of yourself, the Kingdom of heaven (the expanding realm of eternal good), is at hand! Rest in this awareness, bathe in it, and be free within it. It is my birth right, the only quench that satisfies my soul, the purpose of my being, the clay that my creator has entrusted me to mold and hold. But the beauty that comes forth from that clay can only be articulated from deep inner listening, and me saying “Yes.”
