Unfortunately, it does not appear that is how “we” as a people see it. In my opinion, that is what continues to hold us back. We constantly say how we can never get ahead and we blame everything but “us” for this ... the white man, statistics, economy, and our surroundings. We never look within ourselves to see what we can change ... It seems like there is more praise when we do wrong, because we are “keeping it real” than when we do right or do “white” ... so much so that it kills me. It kills the essence of who we are as a people. It kills the struggle that we have fought so hard over the years. It kills the future that our ancestors died trying to create for us.
Besides, living two lives is exhausting, so in the end, I choose to just be one person … me. Take it leave it … love it or hate it … or whichever cliché you choose to allocate. Where am I more comfortable? At home … where I can shed the costume and the mask of my other personas and truly just exist. Where I listen to jazz and neo-soul, hip-hop, rock, and classical. Where I curl up with a great book and drink herbal tea. Where I can practice yoga and meditate. Where I can just be me. This is where I am most comfortable.
I am tired of constantly being accused of sounding, acting, and thinking “white.” But I choose now to ignore it and live my life the way that I see fit. I will never truly understand what this statement means in the way that it has been posed to me. The dictionary definition of the slang meaning of white is “decent, honorable, or dependable.” If that is what people are implying when they declare that I am too “white,” then I will nod my head and cheerfully, albeit whitely agree …
