I grew up in a rural part of the country on a farm, my life was one of quiet desperation. I was abused most of my childhood by several people in my family, I thought that life was suppose to be that way. I was so unsure of myself and what life was really like. I have a child as a result of the abuse, he is eighteen and for a long time it hurt to even think about how he got here. I have strived for a way to adjust and cope with all of the emotions and pain that I have experienced but now I have realized that I must do something for myself. I have a firm belief in God and know that he holds all that I need to be and do what I must in this life. I have taken the time to write some of the things that I have gone through down but sometimes it still bothers me. It is as if parts of my life were nothing but a dream only I can’t seem to wake up from it. I wish that I could but I have learned to adjust my life to the ups and downs that I face.
I now as an adult feel like sometimes that I will never find someone to love me for me not just what I show people, yes I know how can someone love me if I do not let them know all of me, but when you have been hurt like I have you learn to show only a little bit of yourself and keep the rest inside. I am now the mother of three children, my oldest whom I love very much is in the Navy and my two younger ones are at home with me. I find a joy in the eyes of my sons that I did not see in my own life it makes me happy just to see them smile or to hear them ask for a hug or a kiss so that they will know that they are loved. I am tired though you see my two youngest are two and one respectively so I spend a lot of my day watching them play and playing with them reading to them teaching them new things this is where my joy is to see their faces and their smiles to hear them laugh and cry yes even their cry brings me joy.
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