I read an article recently about scientists hooking up a bunch of sensors to people’s eyes and tracking exactly where we direct our gaze when we look in the mirror. Most of us tend to focus immediately and intently on the parts of our faces we perceive as flawed, and ignore the rest.
This was certainly not news to me—I do that all the time, and I know this because I always come away from a mirror feeling ugly and old. Lately I’ve been having the impulse to shrink my bathroom mirror to about a 6-inch square—just big enough to see if I have spinach in my teeth or not. There’s nothing like a good break-up to bring out my latent self-confidence/unworthiness issues! You know … the “no one else will ever think I’m beautiful” schtick. It sounds so shallow, but what can I say? I’m a complex woman, and that’s definitely one of the many voices in my head. Luckily, they aren’t all so harsh.
So I guess it was somewhat comforting to hear that many other folks also have this painful habit of focusing exclusively on their flaws. And this morning, I found myself trying an experiment. Instead of staring intently at my laugh lines and trying to magically erase them by sheer force of will, I tried looking into my own eyes. It was a shockingly strange sensation—and the newness of it made me realize I’ve been ignoring parts of myself for a very long time. But I no longer felt like shrinking my mirror … instead I felt tender compassion for my aging self. So I think maybe this experiment would be a good one to continue.
