I have found that being under the influence of alcohol and or drugs has stolen my life for a number of years. I have just recently begun to find some of me. I am not sure where these pieces that I am finding go or how they fit, but I know that it is exciting and scary all at the same time. My major goal is to find out what happiness is. Where is it and how do I get it?
Listening has been a new gift I have received in the last six months hearing stories like mine has helped. But I am still feeling like my goal is not reachable. I hear the word serenity and it sounds good, even great. But again the question remains. I see it in people everyday. It inspires me. So I continue to try everyday to get the answer for happiness. The feeling of worth. The feeling of love. I believe in it. My journey through life confuses me at times. Feelings of hurt and fear overwhelm me to the point of grief. Maybe grief of something I lost along the way or even something I never even had.
Either way the newness of life has stumped me. But inspiration from people that are positive. In love with the idea of helping others. Doing non self seeking deeds. That is what pulls me through. I want to be those people but in my own way. To humble myself understand that I am not in control of everything. I want to be free from that binding idea. Freedom from these feelings of doubt will hopefully help me reach that goal. I don’t know ... just a thought?
