You can follow any dating rule perfectly, like not calling or always hanging up the phone first, as advised by Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider in their classic book The Complete Book of Rules: Time-Tested Secrets for Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right. Until your inner world is radiating self-love and self-worth, it won’t be aligned with your outer actions, and I don’t believe much will change. To begin to create new beliefs that will help foster your burgeoning self-esteem, try this: write a new definition of bliss and let it spring from the part of you that knows you are worthy of a great relationship.
Here’s an exercise to get you started. You will need a single rose. For centuries, the rose has stood for beauty, for strength, for love. Roses are associated with the divine aspect of the feminine and with mythic goddesses like Aphrodite, Cybele, and Juno. The rose represents the highest spiritual ideals in Sufi poetry, and in medieval times, one had to beg permission from the plant itself in order to pluck a single blossom.
Find a space that is private and beautiful and have your intention be to release sadness and despair, feelings of shame and self-doubt. Like the perfume of the rose blossom you are holding, know that love surrounds you. Write down your new definition of bliss and tape it where you can read it throughout your day. Allow your words, like the rose, to remind you of your beauty, your inner light, and your boundless capacity to love and be loved.
Please send me your new definition of bliss so I can share it with others.
May Question
I’ve been married to Peter for twenty years and we have three children. Whenever we have a crisis in our family, my husband retreats and I am left on my own to resolve things. Our son started high school last year and is being bullied. I’m anxious to help him and want my husband to join me in problem-solving and supporting our child. Peter won’t discuss it. Please help.—Marie
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