That guy left me about six months into the relationship and I didn’t take it well. I kept going back to him, and having sex with him over and over again, and then for about another six months after he left me. I lied to him and told him when we first broke up that I might be pregnant. I was lying. I lied and told him I had an abortion. I lied. I tried to keep him in my life for a long time after he left me and of course he had sex with me every time, cause he didn’t have to make any commitment just have sex with me. I don’t remember how it ended meaning how I stopped going to see him, but it did eventually. I was really hurt; I thought we were eventually going to get married. We had nothing else in common but sex. But I still wanted to marry him cause I was afraid of being alone for the rest of my life. And even though I didn’t love him, he had money and his own business and that was good enough for me, even though he was a horrible person.
When I met my final boyfriend, my husband now, I did the same thing, the first time we had sex, I didn’t want to but I thought I had to, to keep him. So we kept having sex all the time, during our relationship. One time again, we thought the condom broke, so next morning I went to the pharmacy and got an over the counter pill that made my period start to avoid getting pregnant. A second time, I did that, I have no idea if a baby was conceived or not the night before. I feel very guilty thinking about that now. Twice.
Right before I married my husband, my first boyfriend who was in and out of my life right through from nineteen till now, was around again and I was still in love with him, my husband never knew. A few weeks after we got married, I started seeing my first boyfriend again, even though he was married and I was just married. We kissed a couple times, never anything more. That ended within two weeks.
So lets see, lies, pornography, possible abortions, cheating, lying to my father, having sex before marriage, stealing, are the things I have confessed to.
I need to forgive myself for those things. God already has. That’s the trick I guess.
