A Single Problem

By: Chris Kennedy (View Profile)

The messages are clearly boiling down to one thing: singlehood is something to be rescued from.

Why is being solo considered so-low?

Single people are vilified, assumed to be selfish. But I argue that marriage makes people more selfish. Families can make people more selfish—sure, equity is great but my kid better get more playing time or yes, I agree our schools should be cleaned up but I’m sending my kid to a private school.

I know plenty of single folk who dedicate their time not to accumulating wealth and gifts to be bestowed on their family, but to those in need. The Big Brothers and Sisters programs throughout the country thrive on single volunteers.

Historically, single people have changed the course of the world. Queen Elizabeth I established and ruled the English empire, Jesus did some pretty impressive things for spirituality and humankind, and Oprah Winfrey—someone who seems to be more popular than both of them combined—has done some pretty amazing things.

Despite the positive contributions single people give society, singledom is still a condition to escape from.

The ever-increasing prevalence of dating sites imparts that they can help us find that mate we’re all searching for. Some guarantee it. (By the way, I’ve read statistics that say 35 percent of people on dating sites are MARRIED!)

Even though this doesn’t usually happen, I say it would do the world a lot more good to exchange a few of those dating sites for Web sites to help keep and maintain current relationships. Where are all the Web sites to help couples stay together? Or do these sites actually prefer to keep us all single? After all, they benefit from more subscribers and tell us our dream date awaits in the pages of their site.

I don’t mind dating sites. They can be a nice alternative to bars. (By the way, I almost wrote “singles” bars here which implies a hint of desperation and immaturity.) Just for clarification, aren’t most bars “single?” Are there married bars? Do they check your driver’s license and your ring finger at the door? Do they close at 9 p.m. so they can get home and put the kids to bed?

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posted: 04.29.2008
Vita King
i have lived both,the singles life and the married life.I love both but being married is great it is what it is.Sharing your life as one body,one mind and one soul.In 2008 being married is a bad thing to some and being single is a bad thing for some.Don't wait until you are 90years old to have a real relationship with some,life will have passed you by,while you are yelling I am Single.Vita Michelle King
posted: 04.03.2008
Talila
Chris honey it's ok, really, you have my permission to be single and keep those mental barricades for as long as you possibly can.
posted: 02.21.2008
Lindsay Armstrong
I agree with you on a few points. Societal expectations for marriage and traditional "boy-meets-girl" relationship are not for everyone. Being single has been an enriching experience, just as being with someone else has been (in my own experience). But as someone who was committed to someone "committed to being single"--I would just advocate for honesty--with one's self and others. It absolutely sucks being the only one thinking "this is going somewhere," when the other person is really happier with being alone.
posted: 09.12.2007
Honoria Glossop, Ph.D.
I don't understand why there is this competition between married and non-married people (and married with kids and childless couples). Through entire history there were great and mean people in all categories. If your choice is to stay single, good for you. If my choice is stay in married for (hopefully) rest of my life, good for me. We do not need to keep calling each other selfish. Somehow people always assume that the path they have chosen is superior to all others and try to steer everybody else in that direction. I think the most important aspect of these choices is not hurting other people. If you want to stay single, do not date those who desperately want to be married and are hoping that they will change your mind. Same goes for marriages. I think people marry too fast and take marriage too lightly. Making a commitment to other person is not only fun but also, well, a commitment, so it is probably wise to ask: do I want to grow old with him BEFORE the wedding bells.
posted: 09.11.2007
Carin Kimura
It's so true. I don't know how many times people have, for lack of a better term, "bitched" at me for being single. Maybe they forget how great the single life can be. It seems, with my group anyway, that if one is single then they must be missing something, unhappy, or whatever. That's just not the case. Oh, and yes!
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