I took a poll of my married and single friends to shed some light on the topic of friendship after marriage and how each group views the other.
Many of my married friends view today’s single woman as “free.” They believe she can make independent choices without having to consult with a partner on financial issues, vacations, or daily activities. In addition, they look at their single friends with admiration because they have not settled and they have not given up hope.
In terms of friendships after marriage, the answers were divided. While some say have resorted to “e friendships” due to lack of time, others are depressed because their single friends no longer call them. They wish they could spend more time with their single friends but they say they are rarely invited. One married friend, Susan, says, “Now that I am married my single friends act like I am no longer allowed to be upset about my job, or frustrated with my body. I am never allowed to complain because I am married. My marriage should be enough. Plus my single friends never call me anymore because they assume I am out with my husband and that I am in bed by nine.”
My single friends had a different perspective. They say they often feel inadequate because they think their married friends view them as being too picky. They feel their married friends would rather associate with other couples and they feel that the weekends are probably reserved for their spouse. Ironically the single women envy their married friends for having a “permanent date” for weddings, while the married women moan about the number of events they have to attend for their husband’s friends.
The results of my survey gave me newfound hope. Single and married women can repair these relationships because there is an unexpressed truth and a hidden insecurity at the root of this division. Here are some tips for single and married women to reclaim their friendships and bridge the marital status gap:
1-COMMUNICATE. Invite your friend for dinner or sit down in a place where you can really talk. Women are famous for the gift of gab so why be silent when it really counts? Sit your friend down and first tell her how much you love and miss her. No one needs to feel attacked, so first focus on all of the qualities you love about her and your friendship.
