They march with their heads held high, radiant and confident. They feel safe and secure, fulfilled and energetic. They know they have something women only dream of. They belong to an exclusive club, by invitation only, a sorority for adults. They wear matching rings, their friends throw them massive parties, and they have a permanent date to all events.
These women are married, joyful, and satisfied. Right?
If you are single you might think so. But the membership can change their home, their name, their families, and possibly their friendships. They tend to associate with women “more like them,” leaving their old friendships behind in a cloud of resentment. What if married women felt just as much pressure as their single counter parts? What if they miss their old friendships, their support system? Could they be just as lonely?
Many of my friends and clients come to me because they are single, in their thirties, and stressed out from societal pressures. They may have a fabulous career, and great single friends, but they are frustrated by the unavoidable changes that have taken place in their lives. They may feel stuck and painfully aware of the impending timeline of their own life plan. Oftentimes they are resentful of the “ease” of their married friend’s lives and more importantly, they feel they have lost these friends to husbands and babies. These single women feel they need to meet a whole new group of friends because the only quality time they spend with their married friends involves an email or an instant message, or better yet, a wedding or baby shower. Although this dismal perspective is common, my dinner conversation with my friend left with me many unanswered questions.
The one question that many women ask is where do I fit in? Women are accustomed to forming bonds with friends on common ground. We spend years of our lives forging friendships in school yards and college campuses, when we are all at that same place in life. But as life evolves, changes occur and those bonds of friendship become fragile. When friends become wives and mothers, many single women feel like they have been cast aside. But this is just one perspective and every story has two sides. Ironically these social transformations are affecting women on both sides of the fence.
