My thirty-something friends tell me theirs is a decade of profound realization. Of shoes. Of self. But mostly, about men. What follows is the Cliff’s Notes version, as substantiated by SATC. For more profound realizations see Part 1 of this anthology:
- Never move for a man, especially to a foreign country. You will ultimately suffer bouts of loneliness and separation anxiety, intensified when you realize you don’t know how to ask for your shoe size in another language.
- Don’t go into debt spending on new shoes with no other purpose than outshining his new girlfriend. You’re better than that.
- When you feel compelled to dress in disguise and follow him around town, throw in the towel. You’re better than that too.
- If his mother still draws his bath and goes by the name of Bunny, start hopping in the opposite direction, pronto.
- Written notes—specifically Post-its—are never an acceptable means of clinching a breakup.
- It’s best to find out that Studio 54 is part of his past before you start to fall for him. Never underestimate the power of Google.
- It’s best to find out that your groom is impotent before your wedding night. Unfortunately, there are some things Google won’t tell you.
- Don’t fess up to sleeping with someone else unless you are prepared to face The End.
- In the early phase of a relationship, if you need to resort to wearing Maribou heels to spice things up, the chemistry’s just not there. Move on.
- If he can’t handle your career’s success, that’s one more reason to consider him chopped burger.
- Don’t limit yourself to one “type.” If you overlook the short, furry, and bald guys, you may miss out on the best ugly sex of your life.
- If your friends don’t like him or suspect he’s gay, the jig is up.
- If he passes up your offer for a nightcap, he’s just not that into you.
- If you pass up his offer to take you to dinner so you can go shoe shopping, you’re just not that into him.
