Is it possible to strengthen these abilities without having lots of “bad” experiences? Yes and no. Realistically, there’s no way to prevent every student from getting frustrated, anxious, or surprised by unpredictability. We make reasonable efforts to limit these experiences, but we recognize that they’re going to happen anyway. I had a college professor once who used to say that if you put all your energy into keeping the vacuum cleaner salesman outside your front door, then when he finally did get in, you were sunk. Instead, he suggested, invite the salesman in, give him some coffee, ask him to show you his product. That welcoming, anticipating attitude gives you power (in that case, the power to say no).
We’ve seen improvement in everyone’s ability to manage stress and anxiety in the time they’ve been with us, even our newest students. Everyone has their own starting point and their own rate of growth, but everyone’s movement is positive, and we’re excited about this. This is important because as a student’s ability to manage stress and anxiety goes up, so does their availability for learning.
Moving On
My son Graham is now nineteen years old and he spent several years in the school program that I created. I believe that the work we did with him in the area of understanding and managing anxiety was crucial, and ultimately provided a foundation for him that enabled him to function better in personal relationships, manage his feelings better, and to complete his high school degree. Graham now attends a young adult transition program in another state, shares an apartment with a roommate, and attends college classes at a nearby university. Ask him what his biggest hurdle is, and he will tell you it is anxiety. He remains hyper-alert, reactive to unexpected challenges or too much rapid processing of information; he gets overloaded in social situations. In essence, he sometimes insists that the car is moving in a straight line when in fact it is veering off the road. At the same time, he is reflective and even analytical about his situation, and he is much better at problem-solving when he gets into difficulty. He is better able to advocate for himself, and to protect interpersonal relationships (by explaining himself to others) when he gets overloaded or reactive. He has a lot of work ahead of him, but he is more understanding and accepting of himself and his struggles with anxiety (among other things), and this helps him to navigate the world more successfully and even a little bit happily.
