Flaccid Results
Dear 4-Way,
I’ve been dating this great guy for about a month now and I really like him. We see each other about twice a week, we spent New Year’s Eve together, and we talk about every other day, so it’s more than just casual. He told me he wants to take the physical part slowly and get to know me. I thought, wow…so nice to finally date a mature man! The problem is, he’s taking it so slowly I feel he’s not attracted to me because he’s not trying much. I did the “cop-a-feel” thing once, and I think that’s the only time he’s been aroused around me, and I wasn’t even sure it was at full attention, either. Recently, we were at a costume party and I was dressed as a rocker (I looked like a hooker) and I think that turned him on.
I’ve been wondering, could he have erectile dysfunction? Is it his age—forty-seven? Why isn’t he bringing this up (no pun intended)? Lately, I’ve been expressing myself to him and he’s been pulling away. Finally, I asked, “When are we going to have sex?” His reply was “soon”—not encouraging. He continues to take me to nice places and says he really likes me, but he’s not showing his affection. In fact, when we kiss, he pulls away first. I think he’s self-sabotaging the relationship because his heart’s not open and doesn’t want to bring up the lack of arousal…..or could he be gay? Or, could he just not be that into me? Then I think, forty-seven, never been married, or been to therapy… should I run?
I guess my question is how do you bring up why a guy isn’t getting aroused?—Sincerely Frustrated
The gay woman’s perspective: Jody Fischer
Of the four of us, I will go out on a limb here and say that I've had the least amount of “hands-on” experience in matters of the penis.
That being said, a woman on a date with another woman has to assess the other’s arousal level too, and we don’t have such obvious markers, but there are other ways.
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