You mention that you’ve been expressing yourself to him, yet perhaps you need to find an alternative mode of expression—like talking and really listening to him. He’s obviously got a story to tell and he is either not comfortable enough with himself or with you to share it yet.
Remember, people have two ears and one mouth. Therefore, we should listen twice as much as we speak. Slow down, breath and really listen to this guy—not just his words but his beliefs, feelings, and his spirit.
I am sure that the penis can be quite fun, but take the focus off that for a while and see what else pops up for you.
The straight woman’s perspective: Rebecca Brown
He’s obviously into you since you’re getting a lot of face-time and scored the most primo of the prime time date holidays. So I think you’re secure on that front.
It would be the understatement of the century to say that men think about sex differently than women do. I think a lot of guys would have trouble keeping their pants zipped if you expressed even the most casual interest in having sex with them while wearing a sexy rocker/hooker outfit—regardless of whether he was into you. Clearly, he’s got an issue and it doesn’t seem to be that he doesn’t like you.
My (sometimes questionable) experience with men has been that they don’t like to talk about their problems, for fear of potentially looking weak, and that they don’t like to discuss feelings because focusing on emotion makes them go all deer-in-the-headlights. It seems that whatever is at the root of this problem is going to fall into one of these categories so I think you’re going to have to initiate (again) what every man fears: a conversation. (Horror of horrors!)
No more sexy outfits. No more copping feels. No more asking for sex. It’s time to ask, let him talk, and see what he says. Tell him you like him and that you’re ready to be closer but you sense he’s holding back for some reason. Does he feel comfortable talking about it? That way, you’re not trying to pin him down and get an answer; you’ve given him an out. His response probably won’t be limited to just “I’m not comfortable.” I bet he’ll throw a few extra words out there, “My last girlfriend was really pushy.” Whatever. I think you’ll at least have a better idea of why. If you don’t like the answer, get your rocker ass out of there ASAP. But if you feel his issue has some weight and your gut tells you it’s just a normal, whacked-out relationship issue, and you still like him, he might be worth a very small wait. Life is hard. People sometimes get a little fucked up by all of it. I suggest you give yourself a time limit on how long you’ll wait (One week? Two?), otherwise you’ll be stuck with a double-whammy problem: no sex and a man who can’t talk about it. And nothing about that feels good.
