Dear 4-Way,
I’ve been sexually active for more than twenty years, and nowadays, it’s pretty darn easy to fall in bed on the first or second meeting or “date”—if that’s what we even call it these days. Here’s the real question: when and how is the right time to ask that all important "sexy health” question? Ten years ago, I thought it was almost foreplay to ask, “Hey, wanna go get a blood test together?” as a way to start off a sexual relationship with a clean bill of health. But we’re concerned about more than just AIDS. STDs are just as critical. To get down and dirty here, my experiences often go like this: making out (kissing, clothes on); heavy petting (feeling each other, under the clothes, clothes come off); oral sex (why this often happens before sex, I’m not sure, but it seems to work out that way); sex. Oral sex can be just as dangerous if someone has herpes for example, and is in no way “safe” sex. But when relationships get physical so easily these days, I’d like to be down about getting that important knowledge on the table before going down. I also don’t want to be a turn-off, mood killer, or turn the conversation into something that seems premature for the emotional stage of the relationship. Thoughts?—NQ
The gay woman’s perspective: Jody Fischer
The REAL question is—why are you falling into bed with most folks on the first or second date? What happened to talking, sharing feelings, going on a picnic, and just getting to know one another? Perhaps twenty years ago, when you were first discovering the joys of sexual intimacy, that passion was so overwhelming that you just jumped into bed. Honey, you are a big girl now, an adult. Now act like one. If you wait and really get to know someone outside of the sack, you can create an ideal moment to talk about your sexual history and health. That way, when you do “get it on,” you can enjoy his healthy body, and all of the wonderful emotions that come with really knowing someone.
PREVIOUS PAGE
