The gay man’s perspective: Darren Maddox
Hey, NQ, the eighties called and they want their naiveté back! Sweetie, if you think it’s a mood killer to ask a guy what he’s packin’ before you get physical, imagine what a downer it’s going to be when you find out you should have sucked up 2.3 seconds worth of embarrassment to avoid a lifetime living with something you can’t shake! Seriously, I think it’s expected to get that question out of the way somewhere between heavy petting and stepping up to the mic. Why not get it all out on the table so you can really enjoy yourself? If you’re embarrassed to bring it up, you don’t have to come right out and ask about a particular disease. You can ask “do you have anything I need to know about before we go any further?” He’s going to know exactly what you’re talking about. And if he has any self-respect at all, he’s going to give you an honest answer. Otherwise, you will have no one but yourself to blame when you discover some mystery fluid and have to track down the source of it. In today’s sexually active world, not having that conversation is simply not an option for you, me, or anyone else reading this column.
The straight man’s perspective: Chris Kennedy
As quickly as you move, I’d say the sexual health question needs to come right after, “Hi, nice to meet you.”
So, amend your experiences to this: Making out, heavy petting, and then insert your question here—AND NOTHING ELSE! “Before this goes further…anything I should know about? STDs?” The answer will determine how you’ll proceed from there.
Also, I feel individuals with an STD are obliged to mention this to anyone they are about to get intimate with. It would be nice if they offered up that information without you having to ask. That would be the moral thing to do. BUT—morals aren’t typically the first thing that “pops up” for those who have sex often and with many partners. The promiscuous lot may not want to say anything to hurt their chances with you. They’ll only “reveal” what they want you to see. It’s healthy and wise to be concerned and to ask potential sexual partners about their sexual health.
