Dating Before the Divorce is Final: The 4-Way

By: The 4-Way Panel (View Profile)

I’m going to get Talmudic on you now. If not now, when? It’s a good sign you’re ready to date. You want companionship. You want to love and to be loved. You wanna date? Date. Life’s too short. You don’t need a piece of paper to tell you when your relationship is over. You’ve been without romance for a while, so I see why you’re eager. Go out and look. (Note: I’ve never read the Talmud and probably never will—some versions are 5,900 pages. But if you do and find any more dating advice gems, let me know. Cosmo ain’t cuttin’ it lately.)

It probably won’t happen right away but that’s okay, don’t fret. Use this time to really figure yourself out before you jump into another relationship or another marriage that doesn’t work.

You are on the rebound whether you feel you are or not.

Now, let’s say you get some dates. Some will say you should tell him your situation. I agree. Not necessarily on the first date, but when it seems appropriate. I don’t think you need to force it but it also feels like you’re hiding something if you don’t mention it and he finds out some other way.

Not being honest with your date or yourself, that is poor taste. That’s probably in the Talmud too.

Read Part Two of June’s 4-Way column.

Read May’s 4-Way column.

The 4-Way is published monthly. If you have a question for our 4-Way panel, please send it to them in care of the editor at rbrown@realgirlsmedia.com. To make sure you never miss a 4-Way column again, just click on the author’s name at the top of the story, then select “Be notified when writer publishes” at the top of the page. We’ll send you an email as soon as a new column is published.

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posted: 07.28.2007
Miette Simca
Your relationship is over, right? You're never going to be with him again, ever, right? So get dating, girl! You only have one life: embrace it, love it, live it. Have fun!
posted: 06.16.2007
Eve Fisher
AT I'm so sorry things didn't work out. I think you need to listen to Rebecca Brown right now and take some you-time. Don't rush into filling the void left by disappointment in love. Then again if you feel that dating---now, or in three months time---will help you cope, then go ahead. Sometimes we push the painful stuff away for a while until we're ready to address it. But you will need to address it sooner or later. If you do date, then date casually, don't get into a serious relationship. I'd prefer to see you arrange "dates" with your best friends or family members. Unless of course they judge you in poor taste as does the straight man contributor to this column (who I'm sure is a virgin and teetotaller living a pure and saintly life up there on his high horse.) Forget the very idea of poor taste but do remember that sometimes, haste makes waste...
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