Back Door Girl: The 4-Way

By: The 4-Way Panel (View Profile)

The straight man’s perspective: Chris Kennedy

Hey, I’m all for being adventurous, and from the sound of it, so are you two. But I’m not at all into making someone do something she’s not comfortable with. You’ve set a boundary (and it doesn’t sound like you set many) and your boyfriend has to respect that. He’s the one being selfish and greedy and he needs to back off … literally.

That said, it is interesting that someone as open-minded as you won’t do something that seems relatively equal to some of the other sexual activities you’re undertaking. So your reticence may be confusing to him. Maybe you want to explain this more thoroughly to him.

I’m wondering why you’re against this. Don’t take this the wrong way but you have every right not to want to do the anal thing, but perhaps since you’ve set a precedent of promiscuity with this guy, he may be led to believe that with a little nudging … he can do a little more nudging.

Be really clear that this is not something you can be talked into … in more than one way. (Sorry, these bun puns are too easy.)

It’s important that you don’t get behind on this because if you do, you’re going down a slippery slope. (I’m terrible and I must be stopped.)

Consider this: if someone is given many toys (not necessarily those kinds of toys!) to play with, that person runs the risk of decreasing his or her appreciation for them. If someone is only given a few toys to play with, he or she is likely going to experience a heightened appreciation of those toys. I might recommend cutting down on the carte blanche of your relatively new (four months) sex life with this partner and getting back to the basics. It might be the best way to ensure that your best times are in front of you.

The gay man’s perspective: Darren Maddox

Tell him you’ll try it if he’ll try it. When he tilts his head to the side and gives you that “but how could we do that” look, tell him they make all kinds of things that would allow him to experience the same sort of sensation he’s asking you to experience. Hell, they even make things that would allow you to experience it at the same time. When he says, “But I don’t really want to do that,” you’ll have your sweet revenge.

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Comments
posted: 04.22.2008
JD Withehld
Okay, is he really pushing it or just asking? If he is pushy about it, dump his ass and find a real man who cares about your feelings! if on the other hand, he only askes in case you might be willing to try it...why are you reluctant? Perhaps you could try just a little finger action instead and see how it feels. A great compromise!!! I for the life of me do not know y guys r so into this, however, am willing to ONCE in w WHILE for a kick, cuz it makes em so damn happy! BUT they have to use great care and lots of lube ;) Relaxing is the key most important thing for you to remember in this act!!!!!!!!!!! Never knwo, you might actually like it, then again you might not either! Might be worth a shot in case you surprise yourself and do enjoy ;) Best of luck either way you deside. AND it has to be your disision. NOT his!
posted: 10.05.2007
Steel Wind
Wow. Is this sex advice - or a jury? To the OP: Grow up about this. If you don't want to do this and you aren't prepared to add this to the list of "thinks you'll do" then tell him you won't and be clear about your limits. He deserves to know where you stand on this issue, especially as it seems important to him. It is okay for him to want anal sex and - yes - it's okay for him to dump you if you won't. It's perfectly okay for you to say "no" and to dump him if he continues to be an ass about it, too. To the Boyfriend of the OP: Grow up. If you can't entice your lover into anal sex with good sales literature (there are lot of good books on this subject) and a bottle of Platinum Wet - then accept the consequences. Quit it with the guilt games and overt pressure. Accept her answer and deal with it. Decide if it's important to you. If it is - end the relationship.
posted: 08.05.2007
Phil Miorgan
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This comment has been DELETED
posted: 08.02.2007
Lauren Martens
I agree with Darren... what's good for the goose is good for the gander.
posted: 07.20.2007
April George
You know...sometimes anal works with one guy, but not another (read: girth and lube). If your partner gets too attached to doing any one sexual thing, tell him he might just miss out on another. And if he still presses, then I say go with the gay man's perspective and watch his head turn like a dog who hears those tones that we can't.
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