I’ve been seeing a new guy for some time now. We have a lot of fun together and I’m really liking him. My issue seems petty but it keeps bugging me and I’m not sure how to address it. His natural body odor bothers me. It’s distracting when we’re close and seriously stopping me from wanting to nuzzle his neck when we hug or anything. Could we just be pheremonally incompatible or is there a gentle way to handle this?—RC, Tampa, Florida
The straight man’s perspective: Chris Kennedy
I’d like to start by giving you two compliments. 1. It’s good you’re looking for a solution to a problem in your relationship. 2. You’ve created a whole new term for a reason to break up—“Pheremonally incompatible?”
I admit this is not a common problem for me as I date women and women don’t tend to stink as much as we men can.
Actually, I did date a woman briefly who had a body odor I wasn’t particularly fond of. She was European, a bit clingy, and didn’t wear deodorant on a regular basis. Not a great combination in my book. Anyway, back to you.
If you care, you must dare, I say.
You absolutely tell him, but in roundabout ways: Baby, have you been working out? Did you just get in a fight with a skunk? Baby, when I think of you, I think of a dumpster in a crowded back alley in the middle of summer.
Not really.
I would recommend a subtle, proactive, positive approach. Buy him gifts—some cologne, soap, or maybe even some deodorant that you really enjoy the smell of. Tell him that it’d really turn you on if he used them.
If he resists and doesn’t take the hint, then tell him directly that he has to do this or you just can’t see being intimate with him any longer. Smell is a legitimate sense of attraction. If that sounds superficial to any of your friends, tell them to lower their noses and really think about what they would do in your predicament.
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