Dear 4-Way,
I recently started dating someone. Things seemed to be going very well. We went out eight times in the course of three weeks. We went to dinner, told stories, and spent a day and evening at the beach. On the seventh date, we slept together. My parents were coming to town and I mentioned to him that I was having some people over for a casual brunch. I invited him and he accepted. Date number eight happened the night before my parents showed up. Then I didn’t hear from my guy. And then it happened. I got an email that said, “I needed some time to think. I know you’re busy but we should probably talk. Please call me or let me know when to call you.” I phoned him immediately and that’s when the disappearing act began. He called me back two days later, then sent an email saying that he didn’t mean to bail completely and that he wasn’t happy with his own behavior. One more voice mail from him and then … silence.
What’s with the disappearing act? I understand things were moving pretty quickly, but was I on an island by myself with this? And finally, how do guys so easily duck out and not feel bad about it? I’m sure it happens in both the gay and straight world, so I’d love to hear everyone’s responses.—EMS, New York, New York
The straight man’s perspective: Chris Kennedy
There’s a thing guys do where they make the silent deal: I’m going to date her until I sleep with her and then I’m going to move on to my next one. This is the stuff of the Caveman/Hunter/Player, and thousands of years of evolution haven’t changed us much.
On the rare occasion when a guy wants a deeper relationship, he’ll refine and redefine these cretinesque ways. But more often than not, ladies, get ready for some lonely campfires. And there’s nothing you can really do about it. We was the way we was, and we is the way we is.
