Dear 4-Way,
Recently, I broke up with a guy that I’d been dating for three months, but I’ve known him for six years. I am deeply in love with him, and we only broke up because we had to move away from each other because of jobs. We now live over two hours away from each other. I still can’t seem to date anyone else and neither can he. He doesn’t say that he doesn’t love me, but he told me he won’t say it because last time he said it, he got hurt. We see each other every other weekend, which has been fine, but today he informed me that he’s moving even further away—four hours!—which will make it harder on us since we won’t be able to see each other as often. Should I wait it out and see if something happens because I do love him, or should I try really hard to find someone new?—BH, San Antonio, Texas
The gay man’s perspective: Darren Maddox
Is it more of a hassle than it’s worth? It sounds like it. I know you aren’t going to like hearing this, but if you’re doubling the distance, you already know it’s going to be even harder to see the guy regularly. What are you planning to do now? See each other once a month? Don’t you deserve more than a once a month visit? You mentioned that you’re deeply in love with him and that he “doesn’t say he doesn’t love you.” What does that mean? Have you asked him if he loves you and gotten a response of, “Yes, but I can't bring myself to say it?” Then we may be on to something. I guess I’m just saying that I don’t understand why, if someone loves someone else, he can’t just say it. How can he not say it? Since you’ve known each other for six years, maybe he doesn’t want to hurt you by saying he just wants to move on and have you in his life only as a friend. A lot of guys have a hard time telling the ladies that it isn’t working out and that they need to move on. Instead, they string you along with false hopes that someday things will change. Get back in the drivers seat, BH—not to make a road trip, but to get to some solid reassurance that you aren’t just wasting time and gas money.
