It appears as though you’ve landed in Guiltyville, a not-so-charming and not-so-out-of-the-way place you sometimes find yourself in when you’re dating someone who’s so incredibly nice and you really, really want to like her—oh why can’t you just like her? She Tivos Project Runway for you every week!—but you just can’t.
It sucks, but you’re not a bitch. It’s okay not to like people. That’s why we date; otherwise we’d all be married to the first person we ever went out with, and what a disaster that would be. Not liking this incredibly nice woman does not necessarily mean that any of the things your psychologically in-touch friends might be telling you are true: that you have baggage from the past; you’re afraid to commit; you have low self esteem and don’t feel as if you deserve a nice person; or that you weren’t held enough as a baby.
It may just be your good instincts telling you that she’s not the one. As a friend once told me when I was in your situation, just ‘cause it’s on sale doesn’t mean you have to buy it.
You’ve given yourself four months to explore this relationship. That seems like long enough to decide how you feel. Do yourself a favor and listen to your gut: stop over-thinking this and tell her goodbye so you can find someone that really does it for you. You’ll be doing her a favor too.
The gay man’s perspective: Darren Maddox
You have every right to feel the way you’re feeling. At some point, many of us have fallen into this same rut of dating someone simply for the sake of dating. For those of us who have experienced dating someone that we’re actually excited about dating, we know there’s a huge difference between the two. It sounds like you’re one of the latter, and I congratulate you on that.
There’s nothing wrong with telling the person you’re dating what you’re telling us. In fact, if you don’t, you’re robbing her of the experience she deserves in a mutual relationship. You know in your heart that it isn’t right. We all deserve to be absolutely 100 percent in love with someone and have that love returned to us no matter who we are. Sometimes we find love and lose it, only to replace or enhance it again with the next person we find. Know the difference in what you and/or she have versus what you deserve. If the feelings aren’t there with this person, your quest continues, and you should push on until you find that person you’re looking for.
