Dear 4-Way,
I’ve been dating someone now for about three months who I really like. He seems like the kind of guy that I could get even more serious with. But there’s one problem: he’s uncircumcised. I’ve only been with circumcised men, and I hate to say this, but I’m kind of disgusted at the sight of his penis. It doesn’t feel different inside me, but I’m really into oral sex and it just turns me off. I’ve had less of a desire to be with him intimately lately and I’m worried that this is the beginning of the end. What should I do?—NS, New York, New York
The gay woman’s perspective: Jody Fischer
Wow, NS, I’m way out of my league here, but if you feel disgust at the sight, feel, or whatever of his penis, I’d say that’s a deal breaker. I’ve heard that if he’s uncircumcised, he needs to keep himself very clean. If that’s the issue, perhaps you can talk with him.
I know that to circumcise or not is a big issue among new parents in the United States. Some view it as a barbaric ritual from days gone by; more and more parents are opting out of it. Therefore, it’s likely that there will be more uncircumcised men out there in the future.
Since you do really like him, perhaps you need to talk to other friends who have been with men who are uncircumcised and find out how they learned to love the skin he’s in. My advice to you is similar to my response to “Confused” this month. Go over the checklist for a quality long-term relationship. If you have a lot of checks there, maybe you can find a way too see past this. Maybe not.
Since I have no word of mouth experience here, all I can really say is if I didn’t relish a woman’s body, I would have a hard time faking it. I don’t envy you. I’m guessing that there are probably lots of lovely snipped men out there who’d love some lovin’, too. So at the risk of being crude, I will remind you that there are smoother skins in the sea.
