Dear 4-Way,
I’ve been dating a great guy for about ten months. Right about the time we started dating, I got a new, even more demanding job, which has prevented me from working out as much as I’d like. On top of that, my job also requires me to take clients to lunches and dinners, so I’ve gained about eighteen pounds. My boyfriend used to joke around about what a hot girlfriend he had—he doesn’t do that anymore. In fact, recently, he told me he was worried about my health because I’d gained so much weight. He said he’d also noticed that my self-esteem had taken a bit of a nosedive. (He’s right.) Then he told me that he wasn’t as physically attracted to me anymore. I can understand where he’s coming from, but my heart is broken. I thought the rest of his “intervention” was caring, but that part killed me. I know I need to lose weight, but now I’m wondering if I should stay with a guy that puts physical beauty so high on his list. Realistically, I know can’t maintain a hot body forever. What do you guys think?—EM, Atlanta, Georgia
The straight woman’s perspective: Rebecca Brown
I know how horrible it must have felt to hear your boyfriend tell you that you’ve packed on some pounds. We’ve all been there to some extent. But I think you might be so focused on your hurt feelings that you’re overestimating how important physical beauty actually is to him. He’s still dating you, right? Obviously he cares about more than just your physical looks, otherwise he’d have dumped you so he could go out and troll the nearest gym for leggy co-eds.
Eighteen pounds is a lot to add to any frame. If you’re like most women, any weight gain will cause your confidence to plummet. You could have the bangin’est body on the planet, but if you’re not confident, no one will think you’re sexy—not even you. You need to own it, EM! You’ll be sexy at any size as long as you feel sexy. The fastest way to regain some of that confidence and come-hitherness is to start an exercise plan immediately so you can begin releasing some of that crack-like endorphin that makes you feel like you can conquer the world. Don’t get overwhelmed at the thought of trying to lose eighteen pounds, just focus on doing something to help you feel better and get your mojo back. The weight loss will eventually come.
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