The gay woman’s perspective: Jody Fischer
The New Year seems like the perfect time to serve up a hearty helping of positive body image, self-love, and romance. What I hear you and your boyfriend dishing out is a jumbo-size portion of criticism. I’d like to remind you of an item that’s “off-menu” that you can substitute for your regular selection. I invite you to consider being gentle with yourself and with that voice inside of you who thinks you have to be scolded in order to change.
EM, we’ve all been to the place where this inner war is brewing; one part is trying to change because it’s worried and fearful that it won’t be loved, but the other part is resisting and feeling bad about it. Here’s the thing: this war cannot be won. You may let others threaten you into change or impose rules on you that make you change, but for most of us, this is only temporary.
Even though the war can’t be won, it can be ended when you stop identifying with one side or the other and really listen to yourself. Your inner critic may find it hard to listen, but the real you can. Listen and be gentle. That’s how lasting change begins. And as for the guy, I think if you listen to yourself, you’ll see that his kind of “love” is never served in the finer restaurants. Send him back and order something good for you that you’ll love.
The straight man’s perspective: Chris Kennedy
I’m guessing your boyfriend is trying to motivate you. Is it a bit harsh of him to admit that he’s not as attracted to you when you’re out of shape? Yes. But it’s a tactic. Perhaps it will work, or perhaps it will cause you to leave him, but I think he’s sensing something needs to happen here.
While he’s waiting for you to lose weight, he’s losing wait. I would try to use his comment as fuel to fire yourself up and put your focus on getting yourself in shape.
PREVIOUS PAGE
