My hope is that if you do this for a little while, you’ll start to loosen up and see that you’re a fantastic person worth knowing and spending time with. And as a bonus, you’ll be filling your life with different kinds of intimacy and focusing less on only the romantic kind.
Now let’s talk about orgasms. Whenever you’re comfortable—maybe after a few weeks of reading all the good things about yourself in your journal—visit Good Vibrations and find yourself something interesting. There’s nothing wrong with a little self-love; it sounds like you just need to feel a little more relaxed and comfortable with yourself before trying it again. Once you do try it, don’t focus so much on the orgasm part for a little while. Think more about what feels good and let getting comfortable with feeling good be your goal instead. After all, sex between two people isn’t always a mind-blowing, orgasm-having slam-dunk; sometimes there’s no happy ending at all. It’s not failure as long as you’re trying and keeping an open, loving mind toward yourself.
The gay man’s perspective: Darren Maddox
First let me say, I cannot imagine how tightly wound you are at this point! I also noticed first thing that you openly admit here that you don’t know how to relax or feel comfortable. Could it be that that is part of the problem? If you don’t feel comfortable with yourself first, then it will undoubtedly be a challenge to feel comfortable enough with someone else to relax and let yourself go. Have the partners in your relationships sensed that as well? I don’t think you should blame yourself for not being able to have an orgasm, just do a little research or ask your doctor for advice on different positions to try out until you get the right one. Yes, that question would be awkward to ask your doctor, but why not? You’re paying for his or her advice after all. Bodies are different and there’s no way of me knowing yours just by reading your question. Just remember, self-exploration is not a bad thing.
