The straight girl’s perspective: Rebecca Brown
Everybody has their deal breakers. Bridget Jones tried to weed out alcoholics, workoholics, sexaholics, commitment-phobes, peeping toms, megalomaniacs, emotional fuckwits, and perverts, just to name a few. But sometimes it’s not that easy. Sometimes you find a genuine non-fuckwit, dreamboat Mark Darcy-type that you just can’t find common ground with on something that means absolutely everything to you. And then what?
You don’t say whether not having kids is a deal breaker for you. Is it? Have you ever sat down and really thought about the path your life would take if you didn’t have a family? Will you be able to handle it when your friends called to tell you they’re pregnant? Will you be jealous? Resentful? Or will you be able to find enough joy in spending time with other people’s children that you can move past all that? Is your relationship with this man fulfilling enough to make you give up that dream of having a family?
If not, you should end it with him. The sooner the better, because the longer this relationship goes on, the deeper your ties to him will be, making it harder and harder to end. But more importantly, the longer you’re with him, the longer you delay getting back into the dating world to find someone who does want a family.
As much as we sometimes want to, we can’t change other people. We’re only in control of our lives and our actions. Think hard about what you can’t live without and take control of your life accordingly. There’s someone out there who wants all the same things as you; I’m just not sure it’s the man you’re with now.
The gay man’s perspective: Darren Maddox
We always hear that relationships are hard work and they require compromise.
Sometimes it all comes down to how much we’re willing to actually compromise to make it work. We all have our ideal world in our heads involving the perfect house, the perfect car, or the perfect family. Sometimes we get those things and sometimes we don’t.
