Dear 4-Way,
I have a healthy sexual appetite, meaning I like to have sex at least six or seven times a week. My boyfriend is the complete opposite—he’s usually up for one or two times tops. When we are together, it’s amazing, and I don’t doubt his feelings for me or think that his desire for less means he isn’t into me. But I’ve never dated a guy who wants so little sex. Isn’t it the woman who’s usually complaining of headaches and being tired? It doesn’t seem normal. What do you guys think? Are there any arguments or sexy tactics that might help persuade him to want more? I’m concerned because if we ever get married, I worry that we would have even less sex than we do now. And that’s just depressing.—EG, Phoenix, AZ
The gay woman’s perspective: Jody Fischer
There always seems to be one who wants more. This is true in all couples I know, straight and gay. I’m curious about a couple of things here. First, have you spoken with him about this already? And second, has this always been the case for him, or is this a new behavior? You won’t be able to answer the second question until you ask the first one.
So how do you broach the topic? I’ve got to say that I’m at a loss here as to what to say to a guy about this, because there’s this notion that guys are supposed to always think about and be ready for sex. (Though my male friends assure me that they really do need to recharge.) One guy friend told me, “What’s with you women? First it takes you so long to get there, and then when you arrive, you’re ready to go again.” I had to laugh at that one.
If you’re really viewing him as the marrying kind, then you better be comfortable talking honestly with him about this. I’m guessing that he probably knows he’s leaving you unsatisfied. Keep in mind that there are many ways to satisfy besides just the traditional roll in the hay. If his parts down under aren’t up to the job, perhaps other parts of him are. I sure hope so.
