I Want Your Sex: The 4-Way

By: The 4-Way Panel (View Profile)

The gay man’s perspective: Darren Maddox

I think sexual appetites come in all sizes. Some people have a tapas size appetite for loving, while others choose to Super Size it. You clearly fall in the latter category.

Six or seven times a week seems a little extreme to me, but maybe some of our readers feel differently. After reading your question, I conducted my own mini-survey of some close friends to find out more about their sexual habits. I was shocked to learn that one friend has sex with his partner every single morning and every single night without fail, while others reported that once a week was fine for them. It was all over the map.

That said, I think it all comes down to compatibility. If you’re both getting what you want out of your sex life, it’s a winner. If not, you need to back up and regroup, or move on.

Have you told him you want to have sex more often, or do you simply assume he should know that because he’s a guy? Do you make the moves or does he? Instead of looking for an argument or tactic, open up your lines of communication with him. That’s sexier than anything and will take you to another level of understanding beyond the sex.

Read Part Two of the March 4-Way.

Read the February column.

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The 4-Way is published monthly. If you have a question for our 4-Way panel, please send it to them in care of the editor at rbrown@realgirlsmedia.com. To make sure you never miss a 4-Way column again, just click on the author’s name at the top of the story, then select “Be notified when writer publishes” at the top of the page. We’ll send you an email as soon as a new column is published.

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Comments
posted: 04.22.2008
JD Withehld
You defenatly HAVE to talk about it. BUT...not in the bedroom!!! That would be a mess and only make him feel bad, which is not going to get you more satisfaction! Try out some things that might help turn him on more, it may and may not work. There are men who just are not what is concidered the "norm" and are not as into it as others. It sounds like you do have a good relationship otherwise, so there is hope. Perhaps he can try to be in the mood a little more and you can try to understadn it is not you that is of issue and he just doe snot have the drive some do. Then you can find ways to feel good without sex per say! Intimacy is the important part and sex is a means to that. However, it is not the only means to get it. If you think it could be a larger issue and cause you to cheep later on, then dont go there. End it now and find another more willing stud before your heart is in further. I hope for you the best and if you can learn to do as I did in the first post I placed. GD LUCK
posted: 04.22.2008
JD Withehld
I feel your pain huny! I too have a man who desires a lot less than I. I am 38 and as horny as ever! My ex and I did it nearly every day for 11 yrs and finally I realised that was all we had together, I moved on and fell in love with the sweetest man who cares and takes great care of me. He is the most wonderful husband in the world. THAT SAID...he only wants it once a week if I am lucky! As one of the 4 said tho, it is quality rather than quantity in the end. I would love to do it every night, but I also love the way he makes me feel in general when not in bed. So I learned to take the trade off and get out "BOB" (battery oper. boyfriend) once in a while, if I am feeling especially desperate ;) Honestly tho, as time goes on, I have learned it is not so bad and hardly ever have a date with "BOB" anymore. Cuz I feel so loved in other ways it kinda makes up for the lack of sex. Not compleatly, but enough to make it worth the sacrifice in the end!!! ;)
posted: 04.08.2008
Raisin Raisin
I CAN CERTAINLY RELATE. I AM 47 YEARS OLD AND AM HOT AS EVER. I AM IN THE PRIME OF MY LIFE AND DESIRE MORE SEX. APPROXIMATELY 3 YEARS AGO, MY HUSBAND STARTED TAKING BLOOD PRESSURE MEDICINE, CHOLESTROL MEDICATION, AND THE GET UP AND GO GOT UP AND WENT. HE IS NOW 54 AND I AM JUST 47. I AM NOT FULFILLED AT ALL. ADDITIONALLY, I HAVE ORDERED THINGS FOR HIM TO TRY AND HE IS NOT CONSISTANT IN USING THEM. ALSO, HE DOES NOT WANT IT LIKE I DO. I HAVE HAD FANTASIES OF BEING WITH A WOMAN AND WITH ANOTHER MAN. I KNOW THIS IS NOT THE RIGHT THING TO DO BUT I AM SO UNFULFILLED AND DESIRE MORE. OVER THE WEEKEND, A LADY FRIEND AND I GOT TOGETHER AND I HAD THIS INCREDIBLE URGE TO PERFORM ORAL SEX ON HER--I DID AND SHE GOT A B-I-I-I-G-G-G ORGASM. SHE DID NOT FEEL COMFORTABLE IN RETURNING THE ACT TO ME. HOWEVER, I DID GET FULFILLMENT DOING HER. I STILL HAVE THE URGE FOR MORE, MORE, MORE. MY HUSBAND IS NOT ABLE TO SATISFY MY URGES. I EVEN DESIRE ANAL SEX. HE HAS PERFORMED THIS ON ME IN THE .
posted: 03.27.2008
Kelly Jean Fitzsimmons
I had a very similar situation with my ex-boyfriend. I was Supersized and he was Tapas. May even Tapa - singular... I have my own baggage in regards to this obviously, and in the end there were bigger issues. But what I did learn is that it's not always personal, how hot or not he found me wasn't going to change our sexual compatibility. I made myself miserable with insecurities about why I wanted sex more (buying into that whole social stereotype that guys want it all the time) and that is no way to live. Communcition is key, if sex is an important issue you will have to talk to him and sooner rather than later! Find out what you both can live with, and hopefully what will make you both happy.
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