I’m sure you’d like to punch me in the face for going all therapist on you and telling you to focus on your feelings. It’s way more interesting to sit and brood over why he’s online when he just dropped you off thirty minutes ago, kissed you goodnight, and made plans for the next date. Is he looking for someone else? Someone funnier? Someone prettier? Someone with more shapely nail beds? Smaller nostrils? He might be. And he might not be. He might be back online to check you out. But you’ll never know for sure so you might as well stop torturing yourself by asking those questions.
When you get online to get all shmoopy over his profile, you run the risk of him seeing that you’re online too. Maybe he sees that and thinks, “What? I just spent $45 on apple martinis! And I hate apple martinis!” The potential to feel bad is there on both sides so think carefully before you sport-stalk his profile.
So my advice is to let your actions reflect your feelings. If you like him and want to go out with him again, don’t get online. Ride the good date wave while it lasts and resist the temptation to log on and reread his pithy profile responses. Profiles are really just a big bunch of marketing hooey, anyway; they’re created to sell the sizzle, not necessarily the steak. Use your dates to get to know his inner steak, not his profile.
The gay man’s perspective: Darren Maddox
Well, that sums up online dating nicely. I think many of us have tried it, wondered what the hell we were thinking, tried it again, wondered what the hell we were thinking again, and occasionally met Mr. or Miss. Right (or at least Mr. or Miss Right Now).
To your point about thinking it’s dorky to go back online to look at a person, I say hogwash! Part of the beauty of online dating is that you get to take a gander at what they look like before you go out with them. Why do you have to stop looking at them after you actually do go out with them?
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