Coveting a Coworker: The 4-Way

By: The 4-Way Panel (View Profile)

2) You date. You break up. He dates someone else and brings her to your holiday party. You get drunk and do a disastrous karaoke rendition of “I Hate Myself for Lovin’ You,” then inappropriately grope your assistant. HR puts you on probation.

3) You date. You break up. He becomes your boss. Or you become his. Awkward.

4) You date. But you don’t break up—oh no, you get married, EM. WTF??! This might be the worst possible case scenario because then you never get a break from him. Until you get divorced. And guess what? You still work together even then! What fun!

Work should be a place where you can focus on work and not have to deal with the insecurities that dating often brings. There are plenty of other “full packages” walking around out there; they just may be less readily apparent than your hot coworker’s package.

The straight  man’s perspective: Chris Kennedy
Imagine me, if you will, wielding a sickle, because I will be playing the dating advice grim reaper this month. It’s not because I think I look good in black, or because I have a fondness for wearing hoods and showing up unexpectedly during your day … though that might be interesting. No, I’m playing that role this month because you April questioners have forced me to.

EM, I can’t imagine you haven’t heard the common warnings about dating co-workers. “Don’t dip your pen in the company ink.” “Office dating if Off limits.” And the more direct, “Don’t s#$% where you eat.”

I don’t see much of an upside to this for you. IM flirting is one thing; acting on it is a whole other thing. Here’s what I see if you act on this and go out with him. You IM him one day. “Wassup? R U up 4 drinks l8ter? (Smiley face, wink.) He replies, “U buyin’? JK. LOL. Sure.” You reply “K. TTYL.”

So, you two go out a few times, fool around, carry your little office secret around for a little while and it’s all exciting and sexy. Then word gets out and you’re in the office gossip fodder.

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Comments
posted: 04.18.2008
David Mailinator
I admit, I didn't read past the first advise section, but what about the scenario: You date, one of you moves to another division or company, you get married and live life happily ever after. Seems to me that's as likely as the first 4 choices. You don't have to work at the same place. Great relationships are rare, keep things simple until you decide you're in love then get jobs elsewhere to avoid the potentialities.
posted: 04.18.2008
James Dehnert
Better to regret what you did, that what might have been. This is the same advice I gave a friend of mine about 15 years ago, and he' been happily married for 14 years now.
posted: 04.18.2008
Mike Caprio
Anyone with any background in social psychology will tell you: people are naturally attracted to the other people they are physically closest to. The ones they see every day, and interact with on a regular basis. This means that office crushes are as inevitable as schoolroom dorm romances or girl-next-door flings. It also means that powerful psychological forces are driving you into this situation, and you may not actually be as compatible or truly attracted to him as you think you are at first blush.
posted: 04.18.2008
J G
Horrible advice. I met my wife at work. Jobs come and jobs go but true love is much harder to find.
posted: 04.18.2008
Dude WebmastuhB
Ignore everyone's advice except for the gay man's perspective. If you like this guy and think things could work well with this guy - go for it! Sure there may be consequences if it doesn't work out - but who gives a shit? Deal with them if they come up. This isn't grade school anymore. Either deal with them like a mature adult, or quit and move on to a different company. Sure there is risk, but without risk, there is no reward. Do not live in fear of failure! Do not live in fear of some sort of "possible outcome"! Do not live in fear. There is a great scene from the movie, Defending You Life; "Fear is like a dark fog. Real feelings, true emotion, true love - they can't get through that fog. But if you lift that fog - brother, you are in for the ride of your life!" What if you hit it off with this guy and it works out to be the best thing that has ever happened? Ignore the petty naysayers, and go for it. For the record, I am a married, strait male.
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