Coveting a Coworker: The 4-Way

By: The 4-Way Panel (View Profile)

Plan B) Go grab coffee together while you’re on a break from work to get to know him a little more. No harm, no foul.

Plan C) Have sex with him in the supply room while no one is looking and get it out of your system.

Whichever plan you choose, you’ll do the right thing if you go with your gut.

The gay woman’s perspective: Jody Fischer
I have several suggestions, yet I wonder how ready you are to hear them.

If you want to continue your office flirtation, here are a few points to consider: Can you handle working in the same space with him if things go sour? Has he been involved in office romances before? Can you withstand all the office gossip and co-workers knowing the intimate details of your dates? If you’re serious about being a professional, you won’t go far in your company if the word in the office is you did “xyz” in bed with so-and-so last night.

It is a plus that you’ve gone beyond his “date personality”—but you only know his “office personality.” And I don’t know about you, but I’m quite different at home than I am at work. You really have no idea who this guy is outside the office. In fact, all you know for sure is that he’s a good flirter and is gainfully employed.

EM, you need to have a life outside of work. If you have nothing going on outside of the office, you’re not only limiting your dating pool, you’re limiting your life. If you want to meet interesting guys, you have to have passions and interests of your own. So join a belly dancing class, learn to knit, take an exercise class. It doesn’t really matter what you do; simply choose something that catches your interest. Once you are engaged in life, you will meet engaging men.

Read Part Two of the April 4-Way.

Read the March column.

Check out the 4-Way podcasts.

The 4-Way is published monthly. If you have a question for our 4-Way panel, please send it to them in care of the editor at rbrown@realgirlsmedia.com. To make sure you never miss a 4-Way column again, just click on the author’s name at the top of the story, then select “Be notified when writer publishes” at the top of the page. We’ll send you an email as soon as a new column is published.

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Comments
posted: 04.18.2008
David Mailinator
I admit, I didn't read past the first advise section, but what about the scenario: You date, one of you moves to another division or company, you get married and live life happily ever after. Seems to me that's as likely as the first 4 choices. You don't have to work at the same place. Great relationships are rare, keep things simple until you decide you're in love then get jobs elsewhere to avoid the potentialities.
posted: 04.18.2008
James Dehnert
Better to regret what you did, that what might have been. This is the same advice I gave a friend of mine about 15 years ago, and he' been happily married for 14 years now.
posted: 04.18.2008
Mike Caprio
Anyone with any background in social psychology will tell you: people are naturally attracted to the other people they are physically closest to. The ones they see every day, and interact with on a regular basis. This means that office crushes are as inevitable as schoolroom dorm romances or girl-next-door flings. It also means that powerful psychological forces are driving you into this situation, and you may not actually be as compatible or truly attracted to him as you think you are at first blush.
posted: 04.18.2008
J G
Horrible advice. I met my wife at work. Jobs come and jobs go but true love is much harder to find.
posted: 04.18.2008
Dude WebmastuhB
Ignore everyone's advice except for the gay man's perspective. If you like this guy and think things could work well with this guy - go for it! Sure there may be consequences if it doesn't work out - but who gives a shit? Deal with them if they come up. This isn't grade school anymore. Either deal with them like a mature adult, or quit and move on to a different company. Sure there is risk, but without risk, there is no reward. Do not live in fear of failure! Do not live in fear of some sort of "possible outcome"! Do not live in fear. There is a great scene from the movie, Defending You Life; "Fear is like a dark fog. Real feelings, true emotion, true love - they can't get through that fog. But if you lift that fog - brother, you are in for the ride of your life!" What if you hit it off with this guy and it works out to be the best thing that has ever happened? Ignore the petty naysayers, and go for it. For the record, I am a married, strait male.
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