If he’s sleeping with other women, how can you be sure that he won’t develop that same sort of emotional commitment with them that he’s built with you? You may have been okay with him sharing his body with others, but you’re no longer okay with the possibility of him sharing his heart with others. You want to be the only one who’s special, but you’re now questioning if that’s possible in your current arrangement.
So talk to him. If he still wants to be with other women, say goodbye. I know you love him, but now that you’re ready to be with only one person, you deserve to be with someone who only wants to be with you. There should be no “sucking it up—” unless, of course, that sucking is one of those fun firsts you can have with someone new.
The straight man’s perspective: Chris Kennedy
The dating advice grim reaper is nice and warmed up, and I’m coming out swinging on this one. The grim reaper has gotten a bad reputation, but I’m simply here to help you get to the next place you’re supposed to go … and that’s out of your open relationship.
Here’s the thing with open relationships. The “open” is referring to the can of worms that you get into with this sort of arrangement.
I say “arrangement” because I feel that’s a more accurate word for what you have with this guy. There really isn’t much of a “relationship” in an open relationship. Part of what makes a relationship special is that two people know they could still sleep with other people but choose not to out of respect. They are choosing to be only with one another sexually, emotionally, and mentally. That sort of commitment and fidelity breeds trust and a deeper intimacy than multiple one night stands. Trust and support are two of the big draws of being in a relationship. Otherwise, you’re just steady sex partners, eternal booty calls.
That said, regardless of what your current relationship situation is, it’s not uncommon for at least one of the people to want a change in the status—to go from just dating to exclusive, to go from exclusive to breaking up, to go from girlfriend to wife.
