Dear 4-Way,
I am in a very serious relationship—my first one. I love him very much, but something has come up and I’m not sure what to do.
Due to some suspicious events, I decided to go into his email and MySpace accounts to look around. I found that he’s been asking female “friends” to send him pictures of themselves in revealing clothes. Furthermore, early on in our relationship, an ex-girlfriend sent him naked pictures that he apparently asked for.
I’ve let him take pictures of me in revealing clothes and in suggestive poses. I also know that he invited one of the girls he asked for dirty pictures to his apartment and asked her to bring a camera with her. I know what happens after we’re done taking pictures and I hate to think that he would do the same thing with her.
I don’t know how to approach this subject without revealing that I snooped. Should I ask him about it now? Should I even bring it up at all? I’m hurt and I’m angry, but I don’t know what to do.—MS, San Francisco, CA
The straight woman’s perspective: Rebecca Brown
See, this is why you don’t get all Scooby Doo and go snooping around in people’s medicine cabinets, drawers, and especially their email and MySpace accounts. Because if you find something objectionable, it’s difficult to discuss what’s wrong when you yourself did something wrong. Aren’t ethics a bitch sometimes?
As I see it, you have three choices …
Option one: You can keep quiet and say nothing, but that’s lame.
Option two: You break up with him and tell him, “you know why” but don’t give him details; you let him feel guilty. This is the pussy way out, though, because you never have to own up to what you did—and you never get to hear his side. (Or see him sweat, which I’m frankly loving the thought of.) It’s page one of the Passive-Aggressive Handbook, but I don’t think that’s how you want to play this. I say go aggressive as hell, which leads me to ...
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