Your suspicion has been justified and you know what you should do—get away from this deadbeat ASAP!—but you’re feeling too hurt to do it. Granted.
But the temporary hurt you’ll feel gathering up the pictures this dirtbag has of you and leaving him will pale in comparison to the prolonged hurt, confusion, and degradation you’ll feel if you stay and continue to waste your time in this dead-end relationship.
Trust me, I’m the grim reaper. I know about dead-ends.
The gay man’s perspective: Darren Maddox
Too late. You’ve already made the discovery so you have to bring it up or you’ll remain hurt and angry. Let’s talk about how you should do that. Clearly you can’t tell him you were curious about what he was getting into so you invaded his privacy. He’ll immediately turn the tables on you and you’ll feel like you brought all this on yourself. Don’t even go down that path.
Instead, let me quote something you said to bring this into perspective, “He invited one of the girls he asked for dirty pictures to his apartment and asked her to bring a camera with her.” Do you think she came over to play Monopoly? NO! This tells me you may be in a serious relationship but if he thought he was in a serious relationship, he would know he can’t do that unless you two have an understanding. Seriously!
Here’s what I suggest: get on his computer to “send an email” when he’s in the shower. Then tell him what you saw and see where he goes with it. Remember, you come first. When you start making compromises like this early on in a relationship, those compromises go deeper as the relationship moves along. If you’re prepared to handle that, then it’s fine. If you’re not, then you have not yet met someone who appreciates what you have together as much as you do.
The gay woman’s perspective: Jody Fischer
Let me ask you a question. If because of your snooping, you found out your guy was involved in an illegal activity, would you hold back telling him? There’s a bigger issue to work out than you snooping around.
