You need to go jump out of a plane without telling a soul. Actually, do tell the parachute guy to be sure he straps you up, but don’t tell your friends or family. Then feed sharks. Keep mum on some extreme action gigs, and after a few near-death experiences, you’ll find your friends more receptive to your dramatic ideas. It feels good to drag others down with you, so do it.
Pisces
You’re swimming in opposite directions, Pisces. You’re just darting around and living in fear, which means you’re easy pickins for the big bad fish-eaters circling your cosmic fitnessphere. Take heed and retreat. Consider solo sports like tree-climbing, unicycling, and thumb-wrestling while you lie low for the next month. While these sports will keep you out of trouble and make your tasty bait more interesting to potential sex partners, you cannot deny that your honed reflexes would make you a great ninja. You’re not very strong or deep, but you’re one slippery fish so you’d very quickly move up the ninja ranks to become an assassin ninja spy. You’d also be set for Halloween.
Aries
Aries, you’re a butthead. You trample on others in your quest to the window-treadmill, and you’re anything but sheepish when strutting your stuff in that pink thong leotard. Your “I’m so much better than you” bleats have angered the herd at jazzercize, so it’s time to channel your inner lamb. Start showing up late for class and act like just getting there is workout enough. Just go through the motions Aries, and before you know it, you’ll be lazily kicking your way back to that safe, sweat-stained fold.
Taurus
The pastel headband, the pink legwarmers, and the white patent pumps are about as useful as tits on a bull, Taurus, if you don’t start getting physical, physical, c’mon and get physical. You’re an impotent shadow of your former stud self! Yes, your will may have faded with your acid-washed jeans, but your power is as non-biodegradable as your zipper-front nylon shell suits. Stop chasing that pathetic spoon and start dancing your bovine booty back to the mad cow you used to be. Note: A little Vaseline works wonders for polyester rash.
